...with people

There are people and there are relationships. These are 2 different things. One happens because of the other, but just because there are people doesn't mean they are related to us. Why is this important? Because a majority of time, we think someone is judging us. Unless you are related to that person, that judgment doesn't carry a lot of value. It maybe right, but the value comes because it affects you (because it affects someone you care about).

Growing up in a society which is closely linked and gives value to social norms, one is bound to take everyone seriously. While that maybe "correct" it certainly does have its disadvantages, especially if you are born with something unique - and everyone is. We often compromise on that uniqueness when we start realizing that society is more important than the person. A society is supposed to empower the person, exactly like family does to a newborn. So that is the bottomline. What makes us unique has to be understood first by us and only then we can show that in the correct light to the society. But that takes a toll if you are very externally focussed or incentive-driven person.

To make peace with people, you need to make a clear distinction between what you are listening to and what people are saying. What people say is based on their own perception, judgment and personality which is very different from yours (and yes, this is true for your parents or closest friends as well, at times). Therefore, you got to take their statement, take out judgment part ("....not good for you","...may hurt you"), and really see what they are seeing ("the xyz thing you did the other day..."etc).

People's actions are also at times a proxy for their feelings. The first test is whether you want to do something about it. You may mean a lot of things to a lot of people because of what you do/say. But at times people just "choose" to get affected when they are actually not. So you need to find out if people are affected in some way (and not just "how can you say that to me?" kind of thing). Next understand if what they "understood" was right. Here too take a call whether it is really a problem or "choice" of the person to make it a problem. The last thing is to communicate the intent in as precise fashion as possible.

...with yourself

You are what you are, or "be yourself" etc. are very attractive mottos. Good thing about them is they are right.

Genetics, and other DNA-fundas apart, you are unique. There are no two ways about it. So if you are thinking something, there is a very minuscule possibility that someone else is thinking "exactly" that. So is there a reason behind getting "approval"? No. Approvals only make us feel good for a short time but on a long term you feel compromised. We can take millions of examples where people who created something went against the popular opinion.

So there it is. Wide open and staring at your face. You are unique. period. No one, not even your closest friends, can come close to knowing what you are. So enjoy this life being true to yourself.

...With everything

I am writing this because I have to. Often there is a voice in your head that doesn't need audience. Well this is mine.

We are all here for a purpose. The people we meet and situations we see are all leaning us very close to solving that purpose. This also includes our own self and our thoughts. And we have a freedom of choice. The choices we make define how we live and how close we go to that purpose. There is no right way or shortest path. For all we know, we might just be on the shortest path. The happiness and sadness are just a constructs to make us enthused and charged up (respectively) for the journey ahead.

Making peace with this saves us trouble of finding ourselves in guilt or being too harsh on ourselves. Remember this - if even the smallest organism on this planet knows how to survive, we have a 2.5 kg thing sitting on top. So we will survive. The question is whether we want to spend our entire life thinking about it or taking it for granted and doing something better.